Without bonding and nurturing, we lack the confidence to realize our potential.
Over the last weeks, I shared with you the inner workings of our personality...kabbalisticly speaking.
In this sixth week in our journey, we move to the sixth attribute of human impulse -- compassion -- Yesod in Hebrew. The emotional attribute of “bonding” means connecting, that is, beyond just feeling for another, but rather actually attaching to another. This total devotion creates a channel between the giver and the receiver.
Bonding is the foundation of life. As the emotional spine of the human psyche, bonding is a key to growth. Thus, the bonding, whether between mother and child, husband and wife, brothers and sisters, or between close friends, is an affirmation that gives the sense of belonging. Put another way, bonding says that "I matter..."I am significant and important." Bonding establishes trust in yourself and in others. Without bonding and nurturing, we lack the confidence to realize our potential.
As I noted last week, our emotions are multidimensional. Each of our distinct emotions (love, discipline, beauty...) include all seven attributes. Thus, when we examine the quality of our emotions, we probe deeper and ask important questions.
Loving kindness of Bonding - You cannot bond without love. Love establishes a reliable base on which bonding can build. When we have a problem bonding, we must examine how much we love the one with whom we are trying to bond. Sometimes, a simple act of love can strengthen a bond.
Discipline of Bonding - Bonding must be done with consideration. Even the healthiest and closest bonding needs "time out" -- a respect for each individual's space. Do I over bond? Am I too dependent on the one I bond with? Do I bond out of desperation? Do I bond with healthy, wholesome people?
Compassion in Bonding - Bonding needs to be not only loving but also compassionate, feeling another's pain and empathizing. Is my bonding conditional? Do I withdraw when I am uncomfortable with my friend's troubles?
Endurance in Bonding - An essential component of bonding is its endurance to withstand challenges and setbacks. Indeed, without endurance ,there is no chance to develop true bonding. Am I totally committed to the one with whom I bond? How much will I endure and persevere to maintain this bond? Is the person I bond with aware of my devotion?
Humility of Bonding - Arrogance divides people. Preoccupation with our own desires and needs separates us from others. In contrast, humility allows us to appreciate another person and bond with them. Thus, healthy bonding is the union of two distinct people, with independent personalities, who join for a higher purpose.
Bonding in Bonding - Every person has the need and capacity to bond. The Divine nurturing and loving soul within us provides for us to also experience other people's souls and hearts. Doing so allows us to slowly drop our unhealthy defenses and recognize someone we can trust. Bonding breeds bonding, and when we bond in one area of our life, it helps us bond in other areas too.
Nobility in Bonding - Bonding must enhance a person's sovereignty and nurture dignity--your dignity and one with whom you bond. Does my bonding inhibit the expression of my personality and qualities? Does it overwhelm the one I bond with?
As we consider the inner workings of our internal attributes we become more aware of why we feel the way we do, and we naturally become more available to bringing positive changes in the way we behave.
Shabbat Shalom!
Adapted from "A Spiritual Guide to the Counting of the Omer -- Forty-Nine Steps to Personal Refinement” by Rabbi Simon Jacobson.