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Rabbi's Blog

New Years Resolutions

 Rabbi Levi Cunin shares inspiration from the work of Bronnie Ware, who captured the top five regrets of the dying.

 

As a hospice nurse, Bronnie Ware cared for terminal patients during their final months. She recorded their dying insights in a blog called Inspiration and Chai, which attracted so much attention that she wrote a book called The Top Five Regrets of the Dying

Ware wrote of the clarity of vision that people seem to have at the end. "When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently," she wrote, "common themes surfaced again and again."

As the year 2012 comes to a close I wanted to share some of her words of wisdom that may guide us as we set our sights to realize our dreams, otherwise known as, “New Year’s resolutions,” in the coming year of 2013.

Here are the top five regrets of the dying, as recorded by Ware:

1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
"This was the most common regret of all. When people realize that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honored even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made. Health brings a freedom very few realize, until they no longer have it."

2. I wish I hadn't worked so hard.
"This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children's youth and their partner's companionship. Women also spoke of this regret, but as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence."

3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.
"Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result."

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
"Often they would not truly realize the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying."

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.
"This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realize until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called 'comfort' of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content, when deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again."

As a student of Chassidism, I see here the unfulfilled desire to be attached to the soul and spirit of life. The new year is a time to consider new possibilities.

When we integrate the soul with our everyday living, we assure for ourselves and those around us more fulfillment and joy. Each act of goodness and kindness to others is another step in the path toward a better life not just for those who are touched by your kindness, but for you.

May 2013 bring you and yours light, joy and blessings. May G-d bless you with a happy, sweet, and prosperous New Year.  

Shabbat Shalom!

Lessons from Sandy Hook: The Unknown in Our Midst

 As we move forward in trying to understand what seems to be inexplicable, we are reminded that human beings are paradoxical creatures.


As the facts of last week's tragic story of the murder of 20 children and 6 adults continue to unfold, the national debate addresses the “cause” behind this horrific tragedy. Many might ask, "Is there an Adam Lanza living in our very midst?" In other words, is there someone so profoundly disturbed and angry that he would resort to a seemingly inexplicable act of violence? Events like this don’t just show up in a vacuum. So then what can we do to prevent such a tragedy?

We now know that Adam Lanza was considered a genius student. Adam's brother told law enforcement agents that Adam was believed to suffer from a personality disorder and was apparently diagnosed with Asperger syndrome. Surely, large numbers of wonderful people are diagnosed with Asperger syndrome, yet these people threaten absolutely no one. High IQ young people with "issues" do not act out their anger any more then others and certainly not with the mass homicide of innocent young children. It is difficult to form an accurate picture of Adam, a picture that might help us recognize someone else is in need before the situation becomes irrevocable.

As we move forward in trying to understand what seems to be inexplicable, we are reminded that human beings are paradoxical creatures. From the entire spectrum of living creatures, we are the only ones that have the potential to bring about the kind of progress that comes from a social order where values are paramount. And, yet, even as we acknowledge a consensus of ordered liberty, some among us are unable to distinguish freedom from license. Sadly, there are some that take license with antisocial behavior and bring about havoc and pain to our fellow brethren.

When the Chassidic masters describe the human species, their paradigm supposes much of the sophisticated "wiring” within the human being can also be interpreted as animalistic. Animals love each other as we do. They experience jealousy and rage as we do. Some of the critical differences are in our ability to ponder and reflect, to choose and then act. An animal relies purely on instinct and can only do so much harm, usually calculable. But as we have witnessed, when a human being becomes a danger, there is no telling how far it can go.

To me, this terrible tragedy is a reminder of how dangerous human beings can be. Often, when someone who could (G-d forbid) be the next Adam is in our midst, it is not uncommon for neighbors and acquaintances to shrug their shoulders and move on. After all, they ("we") all have challenges. Who has time to deal with someone else’s?

There is a parable that is told in one of the ancient Jewish teachings that comes to mind. A group of people travelled together in a boat. One of them began to drill a hole beneath him. His companions cried out to him, "Why are you doing this?" Replied the man, "What concern is it of yours? Am I not drilling under my own place?" Said they to him, "But you will flood the entire boat for us all!"

Perhaps it is time to reach out to our neighbors and seek newer, wiser and better ways to assist those who are not mainstream and sometimes unable to cope with the norms of society.

I join the millions of others who are praying for the well being of all those who are suffering, our hearts are with theirs.

Shabbat shalom!

The Many Faces of Light

 During this Chanukah holiday, Rabbi Levi Cunin shares his perspective on the meaning behind 'light.'


The word "light" is used in many ways. The most common use is to describe a light that shines. When you tell a joke in a tense moment you make "light" of the situation. Ideas are often understood with the help of "light." For example, it has happened more than I would like to admit that a piece of important information has been shared with me from a number of perspectives, sometimes over long periods of time, when suddenly as if a “light” has turned on and I finally get the message.

In Kabballah, light is used to describe the flow of energy. In our body/soul combo, as it were, when we speak our words project “light.” In fact this is why in Jewish prayer we are encouraged to speak the words of our prayers, since the very words that emanate from our mouths have the power to create "light." 

Over the past I have shared with you thoughts and teachings from the great Master the Baal Shemtov. While some are short and simple upon first glance, many of the Baal Shemtov’s teachings require deeper study to fully appreciate them. As we approach the final days of the Festival of Lights I share with you some words translated from one of the Baal Shemtov’s teachings:

“<Behold when it comes to connectivity, some say> “that connectivity is when one utters one word and draws out on that word in length. And because of being so connected, he does not want to separate himself from the word" [and therefore he lengthens each word].”

The connectivity that he spoke of relates to the Divine connection we uncover during our prayers, but he also opens us to appreciate the power that exists in our own words and the connections words make, especially when we are invested from our cores.  

As such, when we use our words mercifully, we identify with the source of all mercy. When we speak intelligently, we manifest from the source of all intelligence. When we speak lovingly, we become love. And when we express our life as the means to an end rather than the end in and of itself, we become a beacon of light for others. This is the power of uttering one word.

When we afford ourselves the time to contemplate the words of the Baal Shemtov, our words naturally become a vehicle for the brightest light that lives within.

Happy Chanukah, Shabbat Shalom!

Happy Chanukah

 This Saturday night is the first night of Chanukah the Festival of Lights.


Imagine a world without hatred. Imagine a world where our differences are honored with respect and love. Imagine a world permeated by love and light!

Sound like something from a John Lennon song?

Actually, it is the foundation of a profound practice that dates back two thousand years. This Saturday night is the first night of Chanukah the Festival of Lights. Chanukah celebrates lights that have been kindled for two millennia. These lights tell a story of courage and has the capacity to fill our being with love and joy, year after year.

These lights tell the tale of triumph of hope and light over tyranny and might. The bright lights of Chanukah remind us that despite the tangible forces of darkness, light always prevails.

In a beseeching prayer in 1991 my Rebbe made us realize that it is up to each one of us to bring down the sublime transcendent light that dispels darkness. To this end, the Rebbe took great effort to place Menorahs in public spaces so that all faiths could participate. The need to shine is basic and is universal in nature.

Over the past year many people have sought support in these difficult times. They may have lost their job, their home, or a loved one. It is perfectly natural for a person who is struggling to fall into a space that is referred to as darkness. Chanukah is here to remind us that the only real way to drive away this darkness is to seek the light.

Just as one small candle is capable of illuminating an entire room, a little bit of our inner light, manifest as random acts of goodness and kindness, shines forth into the darkest places of our world. Imagine hundreds, thousands, an entire populations doing this; the cumulative effect is mind-blowing. This is why each of us must do all that we can to shine as brightly as we can.

Have you ever been to a Chanukah party? Are you ready for an evening of joy and light? We would be delighted if you would and join us as we usher in the holiday of Chanukah. Unite with us this Saturday night and enjoy our Chassidic Rock and Roll musical extravaganza of joy and light.

This Chanukah as the lights are kindled in Malibu we pray that everyone in our community and beyond experiences a wondrous coming year. May these lights remove your worries and cares and may your spirits be filled with continuous joy.

Shabbat Shalom!

Hannukah Unity Concert @ City Hall

 Looking for a bright way to bring in Chanukah? This Saturday night, the first night of Chanukah, you and your family are welcome to join fellow community members for a live concert at Malibu City hall.

 

PROMO VIDEO


The show will be emceed by Terence Davis of the Malibu Music awards. We will be joined by the much-admired Miami Boys Choir, a group of kids who travel the world to bring their spirited song and dance show that lifts the spirit! The main act of the evening will be the internationally acclaimed Moshav Band moshavband.com Please click http://www.jewishmalibu.com/templates/articlecco_cdo/aid/2044719/jewish/... for more information. Happy Chanukah!

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