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Rabbi's Blog

Malibu Swell Therapy

Our challenges and fears can enslave us, but they can also empower us.

 

As a child, I did not get much of a chance to swim in the ocean. We did many other recreational excursions, but for whatever reason, swimming in the ocean was not one of them. When I moved to Malibu, it took some time for me to become acquainted with the behavior of the sea.

On one Friday afternoon, I was entering a larger-than-usual surf to experience my pre-Sabbath spiritual ritual dip. The powerful waves were much higher than my comfort zone, but the buddy that I was with is a surfer with a great deal of ocean experience. He convinced me that if I listen to him, I would have nothing to worry about.

My luck, as soon as we got into the water, the waves grew stronger and higher to the point that all I wanted to do was get back to dry land. As the ocean current began running in the opposite direction—with the waves pushing and pulling me—I felt as if I was miles away from the shore even though the distance was only a few yards. The relentless, crashing waves left me gasping for air. After getting slammed down several times, I found myself overcome with great fear. Thank G-d the waves came to a sudden halt, allowing me to regain my composure and safely exit the oceans domain.

After this incident, I took a break from entering the ocean. Instead, I would watch the surfers entering and leaving the ocean with a sense of confidence on their faces, and I would wonder if and when the day would come that I too could make peace with the sea.

Out of the blue one day, it occurred to me that those big, fast-moving waves that had kept me away from the ocean were the very reason why surfers from around the world come to Malibu's Surfrider Beach. How ironic! Both of us are observing the very same ocean, them with excitement and me with fear! What was I missing?

"This too is for the good." —The Talmud 

Since my "out of the blue" moment, my newfound friend the ocean has taught me a great deal.

Indeed, the raging waters—like many of our challenges and fears—can enslave us. Or we can choose to break our chains, and with the help of G-d, allow the raging waters to empower or even ennoble us. 

Traffic 'Signs' in Malibu

In most cases, the "shortcut philosophy" will not get you to your destination faster—if it gets you there at all.

 

It seems that all of us in Malibu have a "love-hate relationship" with our Pacific Coast Highway. We can't get anywhere without it, and in that way we depend on it for most of our needs. But then there's the traffic. Those countless, stressful hours spent, wasted, staring at the cars before us wondering when it will end.

Yes, driving on PCH on a Sunday afternoon can prove to be very stressful for those who are not accustomed to long stretches of bumper-to-bumper traffic. Every once in a while, there seems to be an agitated driver who is "stuck" in a state of pain and disbelief because of the length of time it could take to drive one mile.

 Some of us are aware of certain shortcuts that allow us to save a few seconds—maybe even a minute or two—of driving time, but that's about it. It is a fact of daily life for the Malibu community, due to the nature of PCH and the lack of side streets.

The other day, while sitting in traffic behind a Range Rover, I noticed the guy behind the wheel progressively loosing his cool. Hoping to get ahead, he disappeared into the next lane, only to reappear in my rear view mirror just a few minutes later. And then again, he moved to the second lane, trying to move faster, only this time with a bit more obvious frustration. I watched this process repeat itself about five times until we reached the I-10 Freeway.

In keeping with my teacher's guidance, this incident reminded me of an important Talmudic lesson:

Rabbi Yehoshua ben Chananiah said, "Once a child got the better of me! When I was traveling, I met this child at the crossroad. I asked him, 'Which way to the city?' He replied, 'This way is shorter and long, and this way is longer and short.' I took the 'shorter and long' way. I soon reached the city, but found my approach obstructed by gardens and orchards. So I retraced my steps and said to the child, 'My son, did you not tell me that this is the shorter way?' The child answered, 'Did I not tell you that it is also long?'" (The Talmud, Eruvin 53b)

We are all driven by our personal, inner philosophy in life. Many people may not think of it as a philosophy, but because we are human, we most likely have an opinion. And if you have an opinion, you most likely formed that somewhere, sometime, in the past. I like to refer to it as "the philosophy we live by."

In the above story, the Talmud reminds us that as humans, in our initial philosophy, we are naturally more receptive to the one that sounds to be the path of least resistance. Why? Well, we all love a good shortcut.

When you stop and think about it, most of the world's economy is based on shortcuts. Whether it be the fastest car, plane or computer, a 30-day fix for dieters, fast food, the lottery or all the gimmicks that start with "the fastest way to becoming..."  These shortcut methods appeal to our desire to get the prize without the effort.

Perhaps the most common problem with the shortcut is that as a philosophy it just does not work. One cannot expect a deep wound to be healed by a quick fix. When was the last time we heard a material success "rags to riches" story that began with winning the lottery? While this may be an important lesson for us all, it is vital when it comes to education. The opportunities for shortcuts are popping up so rapidly, it is hard to keep up.

Today, because of shortcuts, we no longer know the telephone numbers or addresses of our closest friends. We don't really need to know how to spell as we did once upon a time, and we have come to live in a "cut and paste" world. Perhaps, one can argue when it comes to certain things, like a telephone number or an address in our cellphones, thank G-d for shortcuts. But then there are those issues in life where the shortcut philosophy is the beginning of an unhealthy journey.

So how does one stay far away from becoming victim to the shortcut philosophy?

A fundamental teaching from the Torah is that the deed, i.e. the action, is the most important. "Better a single act than a thousand sighs." (Hayom Yom)

When we are determined to discover the proper channel, and with great resolve, we take the action steps of the journey, we are assured that, although the path may at first seem to be painstaking and laborious, ultimately, it will be the quickest path that gets us to our desired goal—and ultimately, the soonest.

And to my friend in the Range Rover, thank you for the lesson!

The Ego Phenomenon

An inflated ego often leads to something bad, but can something good also come from it?

 

There is an interesting phenomenon which exists among people who consider themselves spiritual seekers. Their shared language transcends their differences.  For example, they can be heard in intense conversation about the need to "rid oneself of that great enemy ... the "I"—the "ego."

There is good reason why those who seek a life with more spiritual light despise the trait of an inflated ego. After all, it seems that when you lift the curtain and discover the story behind most of the pain and suffering that humankind has experienced from the beginning of  time, you will find that somewhere in the story it is connected to someone’s ego.

Is it not the case with most wars?  Certainly at the outset of most conflicts, ego was a contributing factor!  Consider the spark that began World War I—the assassination of Archduke Franz Ferdinand, heir to the Austro-Hungarian throne. The reaction could have been quickly extinguished if ego did not play such a prominent role. The ripple effect of this dark, human trait—ego—set in motion circumstances that led to 37.5 million casualties!

And how about the tumult that our world is going through right now?

Whether you are a Democrat, Republican, liberal or conservative, that is, regardless of your differences in policy, would you consider this hypothesis: that maybe ego—not just principle—played a role in the failure of our politicians to resolve the debt crisis in a timely manner?

It is no wonder why peace-loving people searching for a better world seek to reduce their ego.

But is ego all that bad?  Or, put another way, is ego always bad?

The answer depends on circumstances, and to what end? When you observe all the great developments that man has discovered through the centuries, there too, you will almost always find someone whose contemporaries described the person as “having a big ego."

One cannot discount the great contributions that people with a big ego have made. Even on a less profound level, consider that people at the center of a successful enterprise often have such a large ego that we describe them as ego-driven. And we all know how important successful enterprise is to a thriving society. Would we be better off in society if an entrepreneur suppressed his ego and, therefore, did not realize his great potential? And what of his consequent riches, that may even have provided the basis for philanthropy? So does all this mean that ego is a good thing?

Be humble before every man —Avot 4:10

Perhaps the answer is found in a fuller definition of the word "humble." The common understanding of humility seems to be a kind of self-effacement—that someone has an understated view.  We hear the expression, "Get over your ego."

What is wisdom, if it is not the reconciliation of a seemingly irreconcilable paradox?   Thus, the great Chassidic masters teach us that true humility is understanding one's true value and real talent, and then realizing that value and using that talent, but doing so for reasons bigger than ego.

"All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing," Edmund Burke wrote.  And we need not be so dramatic to consider this lesson from the Chassidic masters:  when a person is in a position to bring about positive change in our world, but that person decides to sit in the back lines, lest they come across as "egotistic," then this false sense of humility may paradoxically be the greatest expression of one's ego.

If instead the same person decides to act, despite the attention this action may bring to himself or herself,  this then would be an act of true humility. Ironically, a truly humble person thus may seem to have what we call an "inflated ego." But when that person perceives of something bigger before them, this is the type of ego that can bring true beneficial contributions to our world!

 

 

 

A Closer Look at Serendipity

Is it a miracle or a wonder?

 

"There are two ways to live: you can live as if nothing is a miracle; you can live as if everything is a miracle." —Albert Einstein

 

 

I grew up loving miracle and "wonder" stories.  What kid doesn't?

What is a miracle? A miracle means that the laws of nature are broken and transcended. The "regular" structure of the universe is altered, and a miracle occurs. A "wonder," by contrast, is entirely above nature; the very concept of nature is meaningless.

The common use of the word is associated with a supernatural event or occurrence. Another way to see it is as a natural occurrence that has too many unexplained "wows."

The great Chassidic master Rabbi Yisroel Baal Shemtov spent his life teaching children how to observe and treat all that transpires as a "miracle." How? By focusing on why things unfold the way they do.

 

When we see, hear and experience something, and we recognize the deeper story behind what we are observing, we are witnessing a miracle of sorts.

Consider the times you found yourself somewhere you did not intend to be and, as a result, you met someone you have not seen in years. These types of stories are happening all the time, to some it is  described as "serendipity," "an aptitude for making desirable discoveries by accident." And to some it is called a "miracle."  Which one is right?

 

 

My mother, G-d bless her, raised us with the "miracle" version.

For example, as a child, I was taught that every encounter has meaning. Words that are said to us by others, even if they are not pleasing to our ears, can be important messages that we need to hear and that can assist us in our journey. When we approach life this way, we make every encounter a learning experience, and each person who delivers a message is a teacher of sorts.

 

 

As the great sage Rabbi Ben Zoma taught: "Who is Wise? He who learns from every person, as it is written, 'From all those who have taught me I have gained wisdom.'"

Also, the ancient sages of Judaism taught, "One who learns from his fellow a single chapter, or a single law, or a single verse, a single statement, or a single word, or even a single letter, must show him honor ... he must treat him with respect." (Avot, Ch 6.3)

By seeing every person we meet as teachers in our life's journey, we gain a natural respect for those who played the momentary, yet very timely, "teacher" role in our lives.

Imagine a world where all of Humankind has this special awareness, sensitivity and respect for their fellow man. Do you see the miracle? Or is it a wonder?

 

 

 

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