Following the death of their daughter Emily, Malibu residents Ellen and Michel Shane created a program to promote good deeds.
A husband who loses a wife is a widower. A child who loses his parents is an orphan. But as novelist Jay Neugeboren explained, "There is no word for a parent who loses a child. That's how awful the loss is!"
Just over a year ago, our community suffered the tragic and painful loss of . This beautiful 13-year-old girl was taken from us when she was struck by a suicidal driver on PCH. The tragedy affected not only her family and friends, but also our entire community. Emily was the daughter of all of us because she was all about laughing and celebrating life, about being a listening and sympathetic ear for her friends and, most of all, about helping others.
Even as the shattered pieces of this loss had not yet settled, something profound emerged—a light, a spark of hope, a message that already has inspired people from places near and far, indeed from around the world.
Emily's parents Ellen and Michel faced the indescribable pain of losing a child. But even as they struggled to cope with the grief that has no name, they decided to honor Emily's soul by starting a campaign of goodness and kindness called "Pass it Forward." Here is how it works: one person does a good deed for someone else, but asks for nothing in return except that the recipient do a good deed for someone else, and this goodness continues.
Now, a year later, the beautiful stories that have emerged are truly inspiring.
A local dentist, heard about Emily's tragic death and about the Pass it Forward campaign. He committed to donating one day a month to serve people who cannot afford dental care. In hearing this story, my first thought was, what a beautiful way for Emily's dentist to honor the loss of a young patient. But then I was pleasantly surprised to discover that Dr. Perkins was not Emily's dentist. Indeed, he had never met Emily. Yet, the transformation of deep pain into a light for others—this touched him.
When, on the anniversary of Emily's death, I shared this story at , others raised their hand.
"I am a doctor. I will do the same."
"I am a lawyer. I can do something like that too."
Soon, more people made similar pledges of personal service.
It is not uncommon for people in the aftermath of tragedy to remain grieving, to shut themselves in, that is, if not inadvertently, then by design, to turn away from the outside world. It is understandable for victims to re-live their sadness day after day, even year after year.
It takes more than courage—a sheer inner Chutzpah—for this kind of breakthrough … to create from this terrible darkness a brilliant light. What the Shane family has done is remarkable and truly serves as a lesson for all of us.
The Talmud says of Jacob, one of the progenitors of the Jewish people, "Jacob our father never died … since his children are alive with his ways, so too he is alive."
Our hearts are broken by Emily's death. And we—all of us—have many more questions than answers. We can take comfort and find solace in this Pass it Forward campaign.
I can say to Ellen and Michel Shane that you have taught us that when the fan of life blows a wind of tragedy, there still is a way to fan a flame of hope. It is as if one candle lights another and another and then another.
Perhaps you would like to participate, in any way, in this Pass it Forward campaign of goodness and kindness. For more about the campaign, go here.
Please let me hear from you. You can post your thoughts in the comments section below or email me at [email protected].